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sleeplessness syndrome

For straight 8 hours, my brain has been idle. I did nothing but glance at the space, the wall, the ceiling. I arrived home earlier without even noticing i was already home. I ate a sumptuous dinner but i still feel an unexplainable hunger. I haven't changed clothes yet. Just don't wanna do anything now. I feel that something inside my chest is bloating and it's excruciating! I just wanna feel the numbness now. That feeling when you are frozen to zero degrees. Couldn't sleep.

 I wish it were daytime and i were at work. I wish i were facing my class not this wall; listening to my students boisterous laughter, not this midnight howling of neighbors' dogs; i wish i were arguing with somebody face to face, not with myself. I wish i were counting millions, not these scars in my heart. I wish i were a beautiful garden with fragrant growing flowers, not a dying tree. I wish i were a song with beautiful lyrics and melody, not a dull poetry with no meter and rhyme. I wish it were morning so i'd get busy preparing for the day, not staying idle like this!

on fads and fashion

it's a rainy sunday morning and it feels so cold outside! however, had to dress up and get ready for church!

oh, yeah! it's God's time so gotta go now!

ooops....i am excited...just been through browsing and enjoyed reading some fashion blogs and i can't wait to start my own! inspired! catch ya later!

glad to be back

life is beautiful. This may sound like a cliche to others but for me this rings really true. However, there are times that I feel the ugliness of life. In fact, I see its ugliness and I can't do anything about it but just to beautify things that seem to look unpleasant to my eyes.

i have missed writing my story for more than a year and this made my life more miserable because I know that writing does really make me feel better. You see, so many things have happened in my life, pleasant and unpleasant, beautiful and ugly, painful and fun, mundane and challenging but I failed to write them down here. for one good reason, something, someone kept me from doing so.

i have finally finished my Masters Degree at MSU-IIT last summer. I said finally" because I never thought I would still be able to finish it. I have gone through the needle's eye and it was really sweat and blood! a real "Whew!" in fact!

Thanks God for people. He sent people to help me out from this dungeon of financial helplessness and brought me out to the light. I was really filled with hopelessness. Got so stressed out and sickly during that time. Summer 2013 wasn't fun for me. It was like literally being seated on a hot seat.

the bottom line though is that I have finished my second masters degree and I am now waiting for my graduation come November 2013. Exciting! (But tiring too!)

now, I am enrolled in my PhD Program. So, this is serious. Yes, I am going to be a doctor of Philosophy in Educational Management in 3 years time that if I will be able to keep the fire burning in my heart. Honestly, this is very exciting and challenging because I enrolled without assurance. I just enrolled because I have a dream and I wanted to finish this doctorate degree. but God, even before we utter our heart's desires in prayers, He sees what we desire and when He thinks that it is good for us, He will always give it.

Yes, God used a friend, a very close friend way back 13 years ago, to sponsor my studies in this doctorate program. Her name is Fiona Daniel. She was a friend way back when I was still an ordinary employee at a Mall where we used to go together. I was handling a cosmetic product and she was handling a beverage product. We got along well and became close  friends even after we chose different paths.

i pursued my secular studies and eventually became a college instructor and she became a singer. a celebrity. We haven't communicated for years until the social network brought us back together and the story of our friendship began to flourish again.

so this is it, we different kinds of life, we have different nature of work but we share a very beautiful friendship and that's the most important thing between us...

i am happy for her and for the love that she has and hope that things with her and between her and her boyfriend will just grow stronger each day. I wish nothing more but happiness for her. Now that she is helping me with her studies, I couldn't help but appreciate how beautiful God is for sending someone to my life, and for using her when i least expected it.

God is so good.

I still have so many stories to tell like:
...how broke I am
...my broken heart
...life at work
...my kids
...my dream
...my studies
...my struggles
...and so much more!

just love being back here!

KUDOS!

welcome 2012

i admit there were really moments when i was so silent. there were times i opted not to write anything or shared whatever "bits and bobs" that were going on in my life. when those times come, it doesn't mean i am bidding goodbye to my passion to write. nope! it only means, i am only giving myself a chance to be quiet and lighten up. whether i am happy or otherwise, i just sometimes feel the need to give in to silence and solitude.

well, for those who know me well, i know this is not surprising to you. you know my mood swings. and you know exactly what propels me to write. when you don't see me posting anything on my blogs, it never does signify i have forgotten my inclination to writing. i still write though but in my journal, log or planner. So, for those who do not really know me, better be quiet if you have nothing good to say!

honestly, the year 2011 was really hard. it was in fact the hardest year i have ever experienced in my entire life. it seems that all things in life were mixed up together and have caused so much confusion in my head. i have reached the point of really wanting to say "ENOUGH!" and then lose my sanity. i know this is rude but you see, life was just so unfair. i may not be able to put everything here in detail but really i find my life so unfair. i hope one day, i have all the answers to these questions. i hope in due time, i will have the peace of mind that my heart so desires.

God, i don't ask for anything beyond what i need but even meeting my needs have strained my faith a lot. i have let go and i said i LET GOD but still i saw something was wrong which i just couldn't define. my kids are growing up. they are trying to understand what we are going through but for so many times, it was I, who mostly had a hard time understanding life.

i don't expect for anything. i just want peace and at least make my heart have its share of joy and peace. things had really been strenuous with me and i hope and pray that by 2012, life would be very different and a victorious one!

i choose to fight. i choose to survive. I choose to move on! This is my life and no matter how annoying some people are sometimes, i have no choice but to accept them as they are and choose to change myself for the better.

i am looking forward to a better year in 2012 - at work, family, friends, studies, other things and most especially in spiritual aspect.

I am giving God full control this year and ahead!

happy 2012!

YOU

You bring light to my darkened life
You bring joy to my scarred heart
You bring inspiration to my discouraged soul
You were there when i needed you most
Cheering me up, giving me the challenge i need
And loving me even when i am at my downiest moods
You understand my flaws
You listen to my never-ending qualms in life
You make me laugh when I need it the most
You comfort me when i felt like hope is gone
I never want to lose you
For it will only make my life
Not worth living
I want to spend the rest of my life with you
It means living with you
And dying with you.
I have found my truest happiness in you
Your love may not be perfect
But it is so perfect to complement with mine
You complete me
You took away the emptiness
You filled the vacuum within
You are the one I have been waiting for.

My Perfect YOU

My perfect YOU

In my pain, you are my reliever
In my sorrows, you are my great comfort
In my frustrations, you are my sun
In my heartaches, you are my medicine
Oh how can you be so perfect?
Perfect for my empty soul

In my defeat, you are my victory
(the champion of my life)
In my doubts, you are my assurance
In my sadness, you are my joy
In my loss, you are my gain
Oh how can you make me win the battle?
Turn my foes upside down, so here I stand

In the darkness, you are my light
(that keeps my path bright)
In my discouragements, you are my hope
In my weakest moments, you are my strength
At the downiest part of my life, you lifted me up
Oh how can you put up your love with me?
Love so great, a love so true?

In my failure you are my success
You set me free from bondage
(and broke my woes away)
You made me new
Gave me a brand new start
I am free, this is me
Thank you for your love

You said I’m your perfect masterpiece
You are my great artist
You etched every part of me
You carved me excellently
I am beautiful and my life is
because of you
With colors that brighten my life
How beautiful…
You are (you…You…you)

2012, roll!

4 years ago, i gave birth to this site. This was my baby and i took good care of it. this served as an important part of me because this is where i usually poured down my rain of thoughts and emotions. This has become my confidante each time i felt like giving in to life's obstacles.

it's really wonderful to have this. This used to be my "metamorphosis" which pictured out the tapestry of my life. from a very tiny larva, lurking inside a chrysalis, in due time, i came out from my cocoon, ready to spread my wings and fly like a colorful butterfly.

i may have been scared in life. I may have been a coward at times but the long years inside my cocoon have made me brave and ready to face the challenges in life...

this is another year and i am excited to face new challenges in my life...This means sharpening my being me more to become a better and polished individual.

this is what we call life...

Bridging differences through language For a Peaceful Community, Country, and World

"J'taime te Amo", "Jeg elsker deg", "Ani Ohivet Othka", "Muyot tu biem", Ichadaw ko imo", "Kabayaan ko s'ka", "Gihigugma ko ikaw", "Iniibig Kita"...

Different languages...
different cultures...
different races...
and yet evolving within one world...

These words sound differently yet convey one definite meaning and that is "I LOVE YOU". Love in any language, so to speak. But how can people from different cultures who speak different languages understand each other? The answer is simple. We call it the power of language.

Language, as it is commonly and simply defined, is a tool for communication wherein man is able to express his feelings and ideas. It is one of the means for effective communication which enables man to materialize his inner thoughts. Man, even in his solitude, knows and understands that he needs language, may it be verbal or non-verbal, to bridge the wide chasm that keeps him away from other people and even from his environment. He needs to build a bridge for him to be able to come across and reach out to others. This bridge is called language. As an adage goes, "no man is an island", there is a need for man to move, mingle and interact with other people for him to achieve his ultimate goal in life.

Language, no matter how diverse it is, has a way to patch up the missing link between man and his world. It has its way to bridge people's differences simply because language is one essential tool that connects us to all the peoples of the world.

What life would have been without language? Certainly, the world would have been in chaos and life itself would have been in utter disgrace. It is through language that we make other people understand our feelings, desires, thoughts and ideals. And, as it is man's ultimate goal to attain peace, he strives to materialize this dream. However, can peace be possibly attained in the absence of language?

Even from the very start, language plays a very essential role in the creation of the universe. Language was already there. It co-exists with the Creator of the universe. Harmony in nature was achieved, beautiful creations were created out from the language that God used. Perfect masterpiece was displayed with the use of language. The Biblical point of view of the origin of language tells us that "in the beginning was the Word and the word was with God" and it is confirmed in one of the books of the Old Testament that says everything that God said was created. He created Ex-nihilo, meaning, out of nothing, but with the power of His Word. When He said, "let there be light!" and there was light! and the rest of God's creations were made with the use of language - except one special creation, MAN. It is the same language that God used when He blessed Abraham and Noah, Moses and Joshua, and other Biblical characters, prophets and disciples. God used language when He commanded Adam and Eve to multiply in number and the same language when He drove them out from the Garden of Eden because of disobedience. My point is, God Himself knows the importance of language, that is why, language is part of His beautiful masterpiece.

However, we can never equate the value of God's language with the human langauge because God is always Holy and everything in HIM is holy including His language while man's language is distorted because of sin. Biblically speaking, there is a need for restoration of man's language.

Moreover, when we take a glimpse at out cultural background, our ancient people have used language as their way of reaching out to other people. Despite diversity in cultures, differences in races and tongues used in the past, unity was still within reach. There was understanding among different cultures and tribes. Peace was there.

Is it still possible for the present generation to attain peace? as we can see, peace seems to be very elusive! Is there a way to bridge the gap that exists between our Muslim and christian others? we should not forget that our glorious past heritage has valiantly fought and defended our country for the cause of peace and freedom. they shed their blood to attain our life-long awaited dream, peace! is there ever an answer to that? Yes, there is! It's language! although language may not be a cure-everything medicine for peace, but it can break the walls - the barriers that hold us apart. Let us not allow ourselves to be trampled down by our own ignorance. Let God's wisdom teach us to promote peace through language, a means of effective communication. When there's conflict, let's negotiate it properly and let language be one appropriate resort, a language that melts down differences and promotes peace; a language that brings us closer to ourselves, to other people, and to God, above all.

Lastly, let us promote peace by committing to this famous line, "let peace begin with me". it is imperative that peace should emanate from each individual.

How so?

I should begin using language properly with tact, blessings and love for effective communication, one that - bridges, builds, edifies and restores relationships.

May God's beautiful language overflow from His heart to ours so that we can boldly say, "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me".

QUESTIONS FOR ME103:

1. Explain briefly in 2-3 sentences the significance of language as cited in the essay.

2. If you were to play God for one day, what will you do to improve human communication in the light of all the crises that beset our land / people?(2 sentences only).

3.How does appropriateness in the use of language affect public speaking?

4. Answers to questions 1-3 have to be written in 1/2 crosswise. Question number 4 has to be answered here in the comment box. Just hit the comment button and key in your brief answer with your names across your answer.please print This article adter you have posted your answer.


Question 4: If language, as a tool in communication, is an object, what would it be? Explain your answer in one sentence.

GO, go, go, explore marines!

SPEAK UP for NICOLE and CHAD

Literary Criticism (English 29)

Try to look into this situation and analyze it yourself..then speak up for someone in this situation...


At 18,Nicole was madly and deeply in loved with Chad, who was a year older than her, and Chad said he was too, with Nicole. Nicole was expressive and outspoken of her emotions for Chad unfortunately, Chad was sort of reserved and was showing disinterest in the relationship but he assured Nicole that he does love her.

He gives extra reasons for spending less time with her. Work is involved, family, studies and all the reasons in the world that every sane and sensible man could ever fabricate. No matter how much Nicole tried to absorb in her mind and heart that her man does really love her, she could not feel it inside.

This went on for 3 years. Nicole kept trying to preserve and hold on to the relationship because she values the time with him, the feelings for him and the relationship with him, considering that they have been together for 4 years before tying the knot.

They were engaged, yes. They have been engaged on their first year anniversary. Such a grand celebration and a romantic event for both of them. But the following years, the engagement seemed to disappear in thin air. Still, Nicole loved Chad as always however, whatever she was feeling inside was not compensated. Nicole was born to be a fighter. She told herself that she's going to hold on no matter what happens. Then wedding came. They were wedded on their 4th year anniversary.

On their 5th year in the realtionship and 1st year in marriage, she bore him a son before Chad decided to work abroad. Nicole saw the same passivity in him. But monetary wise, she was well-provided and the boy. But for Nicole, Chad's love was more important to her than any material thing. He lavished him with gifts and presents everytime he comes home but he could not feel Chad's presence even when she's holding his hands.

One day, out of the blue, she realized that the relationship was already dying and she feared that it will die a natural death. The gap between them has grown wider and deeper and Nicole couldn't help but break down. Nicole really loves him and she knew she would still fight for him but she felt that there was no point of battling for him. She felt all alone and no assurance was ever laid for her.

If you were Nicole, what will you do? if you were Chad, will you remain passive and unmindful of Nicole's dilemma? If you were Nicole or Chad, will you keep the relationship? Will you hold on to your marriage? Will you hold on for each other?

TO NE26

guys, due to some inconvenience, instruction for your online assignment will be posted on saturday 12:00 noon..you need to wait due to some connection problems...please be careful with your posts. thank you...

prof. Dee

tears in the heart

August was such a stressful month with me...a lot of things have transpired, good and bad...pleasant and unpleasant...this was the time when i was confined at the hospital for 5 days...i am still recovering now and hope that i can fully recover...lately, i feel so exhausted and i think i really need a break...i need a vacation and i need a rest, both physical and emotional..so tired...i can't express what i am feeling now but words can never describe the turmoil that is going on inside me...even if i pour down all my tears and drain my eyes from it, there are still tears in my heart that never reach my eyes...

how then am i going to stop these tears inside? the pain is excruciating and it's eating me up, consuming my system, my being, my existence...i wish i could go far...far away from this pain but even then, i can never evade from it because wherever i go, i will always carry this pain because the pain is ME...it's within..it's inside of me, so how can i run away from it?

time is my friend but isn't even cooperative lately...time is so mean, taking away my precious seconds and milliseconds..don't i have the right to be happy even for a moment? time, i am waiting and i am willing to wait until there is no more reason to wait..

confused

the month is about to end but i feel so unproductive...i am really lost...groping in the darkness...i am confused..so confused...whew! life...i am having fun @ work though but still, somewhere at the back of my mind, i feel so empty...i am bloating...argggghhhh!!!

challenged

I woke up this morning feeling light and bright. Nothing compares to the beautiful feeling of being kissed by the sun when you go out in the open. It feels so enchanting to be under the spell of the sun. No matter how cold I feel inside, the touch of the sun’s comforting and reassuring brightness gives me the energy to be productive, more than yesterday’s.

I have been waiting for so many things to come yesterday. A special person’s message, a call from a dear friend, a package I expected to arrive a month ago (LOL), an opportunity I hope could not refuse, my sisters’ reply to my messages, and energy to head on to my research and etcetera, etcetera but none of the above did arrive. But I was still productive though…I have successfully met with my students and had lively discussions with them. I promised that this time, I will be totally different. I will be more focused and determined to achieve something in every endeavor I take. I have realized that some other things can wait…And, well, it pays to wait. I waited; have waited and will keep on waiting for things worth waiting for. Just like last night…

When you await the bliss of the moonlight spills on your head, you would fill the light sensation of the day no matter how dark it is outside… no matter how the clouds covered the beautiful skies, and the rain poured heavily on the peaceful ground, later, somehow, yes later, you would still see a glow of light somewhere and a rainbow peeping down on you from somewhere.With bated breath, I look forward for that light at the end of the tunnel as my best friend chaesa used to say..ah, uncertainties, indeed they are myriads and uncountable and…agonizing!

Summer came and ended like a flash yet the so-many things I had in mind that I wished to do weren’t done as I have anticipated. With all the busy skeds I had during the recently concluded season, I have never realized that it has already been flying, yes, flying away from me...I could only wish that it would break one of its wings so that it stays here longer. But I couldn’t do anything about reality…time flies so fast…

Though I didn't have enough time last summer and obviously I didn't quite enjoy my time off, somehow, I had wodnerful time reflecting on things, life, my future and all of the things that I want to do. Let me tell you... it is a pretty long list and I hope that I will have enough time and energy and money to do everything. Right now, I feel like I just want to travel. I want to venture out and see the world. I talked with my colleagues, Arnold and Cesar about travelling abroad perhaps to Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia in one of our not so-busy days…avail of promo on plane tickets and accommodation.. These plans came about in one of our dinners at izzy’s..we discussed so many things regarding having fun outside work…a real fun, okay? I don’t know if this could ever come true..I have started processing my passport though so that when it happens, voila, I am ready…at the back of my mind though, something is telling me that I am just dreaming but somewhere in my head, a throbbing willfulness that is, strongly hopes that this will materialize after we’re settled with our post graduate program now at Mindanao State University – IIT. Again, at the mention of it, I am having goosebumps and to that effect it feels like I am swirling and twirling and spining round and round...the idea about having to finish my thesis ow in a matter of 3 months makes me super duper dizzy…ROLF!!! God help me, I am certified getting so paranoid now…

The other day,my heart was bleeding for something but thanks to Sir mcbins who called me to join him and sir petz. Mam ces and mam myrna followed after a while. He brought a half-gallon ice cream. I felt so low and down but a cup of ice cream made me feel like a little child who easily forgets his cares… We consumed the icecream and along with it, my burden also melted like heated ice cream. Perfect. See, I have quite learned that I should not fret in life…all I have to do is just give myself a break and feel like a child…Hmmmm…I could still taste the chocolate and mango flavored ice cream…and still hear the echoing laughter of these wonderful people! YAHOO!

What else, I actually allowed myself to have a break last weekend . I joined the rest of my high school batch and attended wawa’s birtdhay party. Everytime the batch meets is like a reunion. I am happy just how these things are falling into place…I love my batch, i love my friends and the camaraderie. Everyone is simply gracious and wonderful!

I don't know what I am going to do today. I think that I am just going to relax some more. But how can I relax with a million thoughts in my head? Even in my sleep I dream about what I am supposed to do. I woke up very early today, say 4am just to start writing but when I started to do so, all the words just slipped off and drowsiness took over. Today, I mean right now, I am thinking of all the things I could write about yet I can't seem to get hold of the right word to start writing. I always end up blogging around and and all these blah blahs…here I go again!!!

One thing I was thinking about for sure is going for a driving practice even without a car yet, and maybe have my own cheapest vehicle one day…. It probably is expensive. Whatever!!! I still think that it would be a fun thing to learn though. Notice how you like to learn something that isn't going to be forced upon you later. You enjoy the freedom of learning and the pleasure of acquiring change. I believe so much in change…Right, things can happen overnight…beyond our imagination…so in all that I do I hope to make things right and face the challenge in life squarely and boldy… According to Cesar, my colleague and friend, what challenge there is to fight the beatable foe; to dream the possible dream; or even reach the reachable star? With that I pause and say, if that’s the case, life could be SO MUCH BORING…so thank you GOD for allowing trials; thank you God for all the challenges that I have to face; and thank you God for making my life so beautiful and colorful. Indeed, nothing compares to the beauty of life when it is spiced up with obstacles and circumstances as these make life more worth fighting and living for!

don't forget!!!

Never force yourself on someone who don’t deserve your love
No matter how much you love that person if you’re not compensated with the same kind of love, you will end up regretful
Never push yourself on somebody who pulls out from your grip because if you do you will end up blaming yourself for the remorse that person will have for you
Never allow the other person to mar your reputation because you will not have him / her forever and what you will have in the end is bad name
Never lose your self-respect for after all that’s the only thing you have that others can’t take away from you unless you give it away!

my 2010 birthday celebration

i had a very wonderful birthday celebration again with rethse.it was celebrated in my newly constructed "ha payag" last May 8th, saturday.. which i will feature here soon.LOL...more upates about my birthday later...

xenji's diary

this is an experience of a traveller and adventurer named xenji, a fine and rich young man who happened to land on what-seemed-like an unknown paradise. There, he met a naive native girl whom he fell in love with. His experience is told from his diary which xenji wrote while he was on his adventure. this is a love story which will indeed touch your heart and make you fall in love like xenji and hurt you the same. Read and fall in love with your mind and reason with heart!

Day 1
May 5th

I am considered to be one of the greatest men in our land, respected and looked upon by my people. I have lived in grandeur. I have been to many beautiful places in this world. Lately, I received an invitation from the King of a neighbouring country to go on a voyage towards Asia and it was an honor to accept the invitation.

We just arrived from that long voyage this morning and we landed upon a beautiful island surrounded by waters. Here, we were welcomed warmly by browned skinned people of the land. They offered us gifts brought to us by beautiful women in their finest oriental ornaments. One woman caught my attention. She was among those women who welcomed us at the shore with graceful dances. She was modest in her actions, refined, and naive. Her eyes were sparkling like the purest water. Her smile was so innocent pulling the chords of my heart, creating beautiful melodies. Her skin looks so soft and fair like ivory. Her long hair , black and shiny gave a glowing effect under the rays of the sun.Her sultry lips are red like cherries pouting in an angelic way and her teeth set perfectly by nature gave me the feeling of seeing an angel in disguise.

We were ushered into the house of their leader. Here, I have seen their affection for gold because everything in this house was covered with gold. We were treated with beautiful dances and wonderful songs with the accompaniment of their native musical instruments made from bamboo and wood.

We were served with sumptuous foods. The table was laden with the best fruits and the glasses were always filled with wine.Everybody was in the state of euphoria while my gaze was searching for that beauty I saw earlier. She was in merriment with our hosts. The hosts are very hospitable people who love to laugh and be merry. It is in this house that we were told to spend our night.

Exhausted from our travels, my weary body is telling me to take a rest. While lying, the woman who impressed me earlier kept on haunting me. As much as I would like to close my eyes and sleep, I cannot do so because the image of the woman kept flashing on my mind. Her beauty overtook my senses as it lingered in my mind. I could not wait for the sun to come and bathe us in its glory. I would love to see the woman again and know her name. For now, I would close my eyes with thoughts of her, wishing to see her in my dreams tonight.

xenji


cont...

Day 2
May 6th

in a paradise–like island

I was awakened by the chirping of the birds weaving beautiful music in my still sleepy consciousness. The sun was up when I heard the bustle of activities outside my door. Just when I was about to change into my morning clothes, I heard a knock on my door and a manservant came in with a new set of clothes. He was followed by men carrying tubs of hot water for my bath. I refreshed myself with the bath and scented soap they offered me. Feeling so clean and fresh, I went out of my room and there I saw how beautiful the interior of the house is with fresh flowers emitting scents that would tick your senses. The wooden sculptures depict the typical life in this paradise. The rugs that obviously came from the east just like the one I have in the room back in my home are of superior quality, an evidence of how wealthy this family is. I was ushered to the dining room and I saw the different food on the table. Fruits of different colors and shapes that are new to me are within reach. The aroma of the native coffee made me crave for the food served on the dining table.

When i sat on the chair I felt a presence that gave me a pleasant sensation. Then the lady of whom I was thinking the whole night appeared beside me carrying a plateful of what they called "sinangag", it's a fried rice with various toppings. the aroma of the food set before me made me hungry but her scent made me hungrier. However, at the sight of the lady, I lost my appetite even before I have tasted a morsel. My craving for food was satisfied and I felt a different hunger.

I spent the day with the host and his family. They toured me around the scenic spots of their land. We came upon the falls, so majestic in their splendor.The water was cold but surrounding it are beautiful flowers of different colors which I have never seen before. There, I had a chance to talk with the lady whom I admire. The leader of the land, Datu Sirad introduced me to her. She gave me a tamed smile and looked at me as she offered her hand for a handshake. I kissed the back of her hand and indeed it feels like silk. There, she told me her name. chaesa, what a lovely name.

Now I am inside my room, taking a rest after a day full of fun and excitement. I can't wait for tomorrow to come and see her beauty again,... Shhhhh... chaesa...chaesa...chaesa... you enchanted me my lovely fairy.

xenji

cont...


May 7
3rd Day in Paradise

I woke up with uncertainties. What was beautiful last night become a nighmare today. A realization that what I am feeling for this beautiful lady is a mistake considering that I have mymy fiancee to think of when I return. How can I feel this way towards Chaesa whom i have known barely two days? A young and simple lady who is a stranger to our land and culture. What am I thinking? We haven't even talked about us. And here I am trying to exaggerate things. If other people would know about this, they would surely laugh at me. This is a dillema that is inevitable knowing that I have my fiancee to think about whom my parents have chosen for me for the prupose of expanding our kingdom and retain the glory, and retain our fame and our name.

What am I thinking? I am spending my time thinking about this woman and how i feel for her when in fact I dont even know if the lady feels the same way. I should focus my attention more on my family back home. But why do I feel such? I haven't felt this way before with Shalani even I know that she's more special than any of the other women I had in my life. Thinking and feeling this way makes me feel an infidel.I am not being fair to her! She has been loyal to me and has been loving me for a long time. And the realization of what I am thinking is far too impossible taking into consideration that we belong to two different cultures. We grew up in two different lands with different set of rules and customs.. Our outlooks in life may vary and may even lead us to clashes of personalities and principles.

And am I to be blamed if we are taught to retain our imperial characterestics? That is so preserve and maintain within the clan and wealth, power and fame of all cost. Am I also to be blamed if I fail to meet the expectation of my family? Is it fair that I have to sacrifice my feelings for this native girl who touched my heart more than anybody else just because I have to uphold our credibility and maintain our position in the society? What I felt for Chaesa is far more intense that what I felt for Shalani..Ahhh. Complexities!!

I spoiled my time with Chaesa thinking about this... I am sure Norjani will understand what I feel towards Shalani because it is accepted in our culture.... but I dont think so if they will understand my feelings with Chaesa who is from a different culture. Much more I do not know if Chaesa will understand our culture which is entirely different from hers.

Ahh... confusions....

xenji

cont...

May 8
4th day in Paradise

I just learned that this paradisiacal place is called KAGAYHA-AN. The guesthouse where we are housed is so grand. Accordingly this is purposely built to house visitors and royalties like my friend and me. The place is sorrounded with fruit bearing trees that give shades and cools the wind of the otherwise humid day.

I felt so glad to know that we were given the chance to be alone with only her personal chap as a companion. Early today, i enjoyed her company without the meaningful glances of other people around us. We explored the sorroundings and came upon a garden of exceptional beauty with the flowers in bloom, blending in different colors and shapes. The garden was enhanced by the low flying butterflies of different size and colors.one flower from another drinking the fragrance of each flower. As we were in this garden, I can smell the scent of chaesa.... sweet and dainty.... A scent of the lady in bloom...

I did not expect her to be learned in the affairs of the world but to my surprise she can tackle any subject I threw her. I was surprised to know that she is knowlegeable in other subjects such as philosophy, arts and trade and even as mundane as agriculture. We had a great time.. We just talked about anything under the sun and I was amazed on how much compatible we were with our ideas and opinions although I realized that there are basic differences brought about by our cultures but just the same we had a great time together. We can laugh at any slight provocation from each other. I felt that I have known her for so long. I felt so comfortable being with her. I have also sensed that she is at ease with me. I have told her things that I never knew I have concerns for. She continually surprised me with her intelligence and wit. She is like an onion to me.. Since I knew her, it is like peeling an onion. She reveals a different side of her everytime I thought I have figured her out. She delights me incessantly. I have never met anyone so atuned to my ideas and opinions. I have never met anyone whom I am so comfortable with. Chaesa is not exceptional lady. I can feel that my feelings for her is growing stronger each minute I am with her. And, I guess no man in his right mind would not fall for her, for she is a sight to behold. She can compete in beauty with any woman from my city. My feelings for chaesa is not comparable to Shalani and, Norjani, not even to any lady that I have known before in my country, because, she understood my desires, my hopes and wishes as if she has known me for more than three years. With an inherent beauty and a brain capable of assimilating the various topics we had for discussion she can hold her ground in front of any scholars in our country.

As I am reliving all the things that have happened today, I realized that chaesa may be having the same feelings for me. I can see that what I feel for her is mutually felt by her too. I can visualize the two of us together in the future. I think if given the chance, I would live today again and again just to be with her. Hmmmm......a sweet memory.....and i have to sleep tonight bringing with me in my dreams that sweet memory of her back in the garden...

xenji

9th of May
day 5 in paradise

i don't know how i should feel when i received chaesa's letter. i felt a deep twinge of pain and at the same time a pang of guilt for telling her my feelings towards her. am i too fast and so insensitive that all i care about was how i felt for her? here's her letter.

My Everdearest Xenji,

I couldn’t find any word to express what my heart wants to say. I don’t even know how I am going to face you after you told me about what you feel towards me. It doesn;t mean that I don’t believe you. It’s just that things did not work as what we thought should be. I believe you have a clean intention and how I wish we could make both our dreams come true. But my friend, I am saddened by the thought that we are not meant for each other. Even if I also feel the same way about you, We are still destined to follow our fate.

How am I going to tell you that I really love to be with you? I treasure every moment I spent with you and cherish the memories it left in my heart. Like you, I am also bound to marry someone else. I can’t deviate from our culture as well as from my parents’ expectations. He is also a handsome man like you, a warrior from other province. His name is Ececron. However, I could not tell if I love him as much as I love you but I don’t have a choice because reality is far more important to me than to live in fantasy., He loves me too. His father, the chieftain of their village has arranged our marriage with my father. It will be unfair to him if I say I don’t like him because he's also very lovable and could be any woman’s dream. But when I saw you, I felt a different feeling. Only, this couldn’t be realized. Yes, my dearest Xenji, no matter how I cherish your love, you are still a fantasy to me. A dream that I will never have. Just like a star, you can always gaze on its beauty and dream about and yet too impossible to reach.

Somehow, I began to despise our differences in culture and in everything for there is only one common about us and that is love. But you see, love is not the only thing that matters in this world. We have so many things to live up to. Indeed, our culture is the main hindrance to our feelings. You’re so near yet so far. I hope that our sons and daughters and the next generation to come will not suffer the same feelings that we have. May they have freedom to choose whom to be with forever. I hope that time will come that culture will no longer be a barrier between two lovers and that they will not be bound to follow their cultures but their hearts. I am not trying to be rebellious but I just feel this is not right but as what I have said, for the sake of my family and my culture, I am declining from your proposal to marry me. I am hurt by this truth but we really have to face it this way. I hope that our friendship remains so that if time permits and we meet again, we can just both laugh at this experience. I will share this to my fiancee for it is just the right thing to do. I will be proud to share this wonderful memory to my children and my children’s children. I am sure that they will love me for denying my feelings even if it pained me so much. xenji, let this letter be an eye-opener to both of us. We have the right love at the wrong time... so long my dearest friend... wish for your happiness.

“ We will only be a memory that never fades like my love that will last forever”

affably,
chaesa

having a good family relationship

It’s human nature to feel socially wanted. It is the nature of man to have the sense of belonging and the desire to love and to be loved. This need is part of the basic needs of man for survival. Accordingly, no man is an island. This saying suggests that man, by nature really needs someone to talk to, confide with, and share life with. Just like the other basic needs of man, social interaction which makes up the social life of man is an important tool to building good relationship.

When we talk about family relationship, we do not only refer to the parents and children relationship but it also comprises the connection it has to those around them. In other words, a family relationship is a springboard and a connection to any other relationships. It means that if one relationship is a failure, it follows that another relationship may not work out as well. And if family relationship is good, so is the relationship of these members to other people outside the family.

Accordingly, a family is the smallest unit in the society. Without a family, building a society would be impossible. Politicians and other government officials are nothing without the family that binds every single entity in the society. It is the family that interacts, builds, socializes, patronizes and makes the society a harmonious and a beautiful place to live on. That is why it is called a society because it refers to people and their role in it. Now, the family plays a very significant role in the society not only because it procreates, interacts and multiplies, but more so, the family is the important cast of characters in the drama of life. They make and unmake issues in the society.

Because family is important, it becomes the central point or the very focus of scrutiny. Too much is expected of a family and most importantly, the basic pattern of social interaction largely depends on family relationship and interaction. Most often than not, a child’s behaviour is always attributed to how he / she is being raised in a family. The behaviour of a child is most often a reflection of how he is being reared in his home. He is mainly influenced by his parents’ and siblings’ attitudes and behaviours. So, if something is wrong in the family, it will always show in a child’s performance and attitudes towards other people. The pattern of social interaction is seemingly distorted thus needing to be addressed. However, if a child is raised in a very loving and happy family, the child grows emotionally healthy and socially capable. He is very sociable and shares a peace-loving countenance thus creating harmonious relationships with other people around him may it be in school, workplace, or even with the neighbours. This is why the government is very keen to addressing family problems and making it as the focus of their programs so as to build a society that is united, peaceful, harmonious and loving.

The question now is how do we attain good family relationship? Communication is an important element that sometimes is overlooked in the family. Too much familiarity oftentimes causes communication gap and eventually leads to misunderstanding and broken homes. The principle is always and the same. We need to open up and share our thoughts and emotions with our loved ones, with our family, more specifically so as to attain understanding and harmonious relationships. According to Isagani Cruz; “we cannot give what we do not have”. This statement posits that if we don’t have a good relationship with our own family, how can we even better our relationships with other people? It certainly takes a lot of effort to be able to do so. If we do not possess love for our family, if we do not care for our very own wife, husband, siblings, brothers, sisters, how much harder would it be for us to love others? The saying “blood is thicker than water” is always true in this sense. No matter how irresponsible our husbands are, how ugly and unattractive our wives be, no matter how immature and bully our siblings are, we have to accept and love them because they are us and we are them. The principle goes this way, “I am a reflection of my family “in the same way that “my family is a reflection of me”.

Moreover, the Bible is very straightforward about giving instructions to husbands, wives and children. The Bible says, “husbands love your wives”, means husbands should not treat wives as helpers and simply as their better half but his “total person”. It means to say, husband cannot exist without the other and so it goes the same with the wife. The Bible also says, “wives submit to your husbands” do not mean you follow everything he says and tells you even if it means destroying your reputation and your family. Submission means giving in to his headship in the family, not overpowering but clinging on to his plans. But to the husbands, it does not mean, not listening to the wives’ voices and plans. It simply means give each other a chance to be heard. It’s tough, and it is indeed a taxing responsibility. But very fulfilling indeed. After all, it is what we have sought for in marriage, we want a harmonious and peaceful family, so there’s no other option but to follow what the Bible has to say. Further, the Bible also says, “children obey your parents…” and “honour your father and mother…” These are both found in the Holy Scriptures in the Apostle Paul’s letter as well as in the Ten Commandments. If we intend to have a longer and beautiful life, we ought to follow this rule. As to our siblings, didn’t God ask Cain where Abel was after he slew him? And Cain deliberately denied by asking “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Obviously, God made it clear that He wants us to care for our own brothers and sisters. And once we do that, we are guaranteed of a beautiful relationship with other people. Say, a perfect friendship like Jonathan and David; a beautiful in-laws relationship just like Naomi and Ruth as well as a beautiful husband-wife relationship just like Boaz and Ruth. More examples can be gleaned from the Bible that will tell us how important good family relationship is to God and of course to humanity.

The question is how? As a college teacher, I believe so much in the power of communication. I believe all we have to do is communicate effectively. Make sure understand and you are udnerstood. If there are problems and ways we don’t like from any of our family members, then speak up. We need to learn to share and open up. There’s no better solution than to tell the problem straight to the one concerned so that it can be properly addressed.

I have thought of some important ingredients to having a good family relationship and these are:
1. Values: respect and helpfulness, trust and honesty, obedience and acceptance, fidelity and faithfulness, forgiveness and generosity, understanding and love.
2. Learn to submit, learn to give way, and learn to listen. Know when to talk and when to keep quiet. Learn to be generous not only materially but also be generous with your time. Spend quality time with your family.
3. Share. Laugh and cry with them. Share your deepest concerns and secrets with them. Go out and have fun with them just like the old times when you were still boyfriends and girlfriends or when you were still kids.
4. Do activities together. Go to church together, pray together, go to the beach, watch movies together, share the old jokes, sing, dance or jog with them.
5. Make God as the center of your family.

Remember, even if you do all these, man in his limitations will be exhausted at the end of the day so that doing all these things or maintaining all these acts would be taxing. Sometimes, we tend to flare up, get angry and run short of patience and understanding. We have little energy left for our children to work with their projects and assignments or too occupied with our own problems that we tend to ignore our partner or sibling’s little qualms. This is human nature. But God’s nature is different. He never runs out of resources so that when we fall short in doing these for the family, we need God’s sustaining grace.

In short, the ultimate source of a harmonious family relationship is God. Once we allow Him to dwell in the midst of the family or allow Him to be the center in the family, all these other things will just flow and follow. Unless we have beautiful relationship with the author of marriage who is God, the best lover, our bestfriend, Heavenly Father, our faithful brother, only then can we attain the truest meaning of good family relationship.

my opinion on early marriage (for BA35)

“Yes, I do”; “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…” these are lines our ears are so familiar with. These are simple lines, and are easy to memorize but carry a very heavy responsibility because it has something to do with one’s lifetime commitment, marriage. Now we ask, what is marriage? We may say, it is the exchange of vows between two people of the opposite sex who are madly in love with each other. Obviously, that wouldn’t be all. There is a more than just the superficial meaning of marriage. So what is it really like? Only those who are already in the bonds of marriage can totally give the exact definition of the word and who can descriptively elaborate how it is like to be there.

Our minds have already been set to the idea of the sacrament of matrimony. Yes, marriage is sacred. Therefore it is not a joke and should not be taken as a joke. It is a serious decision committed by two responsible individuals who totally understand what they are about to enter into. In other words, couple who will engage in it should be ready and should be totally equipped with the knowledge as to how it should be managed. According to studies there are different stages of marriage, marriage by capture, that which happened before when slavery was rampant. People would marry by capturing slaves for marriage. Another one is marriage by purchase. Some cultures still practice this which we call dowry. And for Christians, we have this marriage for love. But whatever type of marriage one is in; there are corresponding consequences or results to such marriage.

Since we live in a Christian nation which believes on marriage for love, let’s then focus on that kind of marriage. How many of our couples in the Philippines married for love? I believe everyone who engaged into marriage would say “i do”. However, despite this kind of marriage, this is not I believe the only thing couples should look into. There are other important aspects that we need to consider when we enter into the sacrament of marriage. What do our marriage laws have to say? We follow a certain requirement to be able to qualify for marriage and age is one very important requirement that couples who are planning to marry should consider. Some marry at the age of 30, others at 40 and most in their 20’s but there are also those who marry at their teenage years and even younger than the legal age. We call this kind of marriage as early marriage. Early marriage which is also referred to as child marriage is common all over the globe and has inflicted dangerous and devastating effects on young children who are compelled to tie the knot in marriage. In many parts of the world early marriage is a gratification for overcoming the family’s financial and social needs.

Early marriage is common not only among the rural areas but also in the urban. Most teenagers who engage into such early marriage belong to the below poverty families and that those usually who are involved are out of school youth. Although in some cases, there are also young people who marry early not because they are poor or they want to be secured financially with the spouse, some marry for mistaken emotions as love, we call it immaturity. Too many young people think they are capable enough to become husbands and wives and parents that they tend to forget the possible consequences of getting into that responsibility at an early age and once they are already there, they begin blaming each other for the wrong decisions or for whatever sufferings they are facing. Other than that, there are still other numerous problems a couple can face when marriage happens at an early age for them. I love Jose Garcia Villa's short story, “Footnote to Youth”. It talks about marrying at an early age. Dodong married at a very young age thinking it was the right age for marriage. It was too late when he found out that he was too young for marriage. He had grown too old after years of toil and labor for his family and so was the wife, Tinang. Worse, his eldest son Blas when he reached 18 years old also fell in love and wanted to have his own family as well. Dodong wanted to stop his son and tell him not to follow his path but what can he do, teen age love is just so powerful, far so powerful that it overpowers youthful love to triumph…

The case of Dodong and Blas is very common. It happens almost everywhere and I believe that without proper guidance, severe fights and violence could lead to broken homes and broken marriages and to that effect will further increase delinquents in our society. Although Dodong and Blas' marriage did not end that way but their common experience was an unpleasant picture of marriage at an early age. The father and son actually held on and clung to their marriage despite the hardship but how many Dodongs and Blases are there in the open who are willing to sacrifice up to the end?

I always believe in marriage at the right time. Why rush when marriage is not a competition? Remember, it is a gift. A sacrament and should be properly taken care of. It should not be treated just like any possession which you can barter with anything or for something you would like to have later. It is not something you take in like food that if you don’t like the taste, you will just spit it out. Marriage is for keeps and it is for lifetime. There is nothing wrong with marriage. It is a gift wherein two people involved should enjoy and treasure together, not to suffer from. So as an advice to the youth of today, they should not be hasty in making decisions nor rush on things because as the saying goes, regrets will always come last. So don’t just think twice or thrice, but think a million times before jumping into conclusion that indeed, you are ready to say wholeheartedly to your partner “till death do us part”.

Mother: the woman behind the person that you are

happy mother's day everyone...i miss you so much mama...i love you...the same greetings goes to ate loida, ate leah, ate bem and all my friend...