pag muni-muni

kung ang butang maguba, mabuak, magisi, pwede pa mapulihan ug bag o but ang sentimental value ana nga butang lahi na kaysa original value nga naka attach to that thing...like marriage, once broken, lisod na mabalik..maka palit ba ta anag bag o? ma repair pa ba? naa bay epoxy nga effective kau to patch the broken pieces?

so embarrassed!

i felt so beautiful today with my new red blouse i took from liza's stuff. i wore my shiny black pair of sandals which is about 2 1/2 inches high... it felt so great to walk with ease and grace especially when you are comfortable with what you are wearing and when you know that you really look good in it...

my speech class this morning with my nautical students was held at the speech laboratory for an actual speech reading. i had such a wonderful time with them as you all know, this is a group of students that will either make you laugh or cause you hypertension...both extremes they are! but today, they were so participative and everybody fared well so i ended a class with a smile on my face...i was happy and contented with today's activity...i left the speech laboratory with so much feeling of contentment and fulfilment...

when the bell rang, i had to rush back to the office to prepare for my next class at 10:30. there were nursing students crowding in the hallway looking into some postings at the bulletin board, exam sked perhaps. some of these were my students in my literature and reading classes before so while i was still a few meters away from them, they were already waving their hands and calling my name...of course, you have to be cordial to your students so even if i had all these books and papers tucked in both arms, i have to give them big grins and a nod and a queenly wave..lol...

things happen too real fast...while i was so preoccupied responding to my students morning greetings, i didn't notice that the floor was too slippery that i swung for what i think a thousand times before i actually landed on the floor with bended left knee, the right foot seemed extended to my extreme right as if performing a cheering squad final exhibition...my books , papers and chalk box were scattered on the floor as if i just had a wonderful party with confetti...my students were astounded at the sight of me on the ground! i could see them gaped their mouths with disbelief or probably more of embarrassment and confused as to what to do. nobody laughed but all eyes were glued to my direction! gracious! how i wish that floor would just split and swallow me up! my face turned crimson and i felt so feverish. i never felt the pain, i stood up all at once while after a few moment, two students helped me pick my things up.. i stood up straight notwithstanding the pain and then i laughed and jokingly said, "gosh, nursing department is the cleanest department in this university" then i went to a nearby office and told some people i know about what happened to me. they just told me,"nah, careful jud ka ma'am oy, nag 5's man gud karon...you know na..." Indeed, i could not do anything about it anymore but accept the fact that i was too clumsy and too limp.i was really so embarrassed.

nadaut ako aura with my grand entrance this morning pero it's all worth the experience...i felt like i just had won the ms. universe beauty pageant...hope we can take life as easy as that situation i had earlier. what i mean is when we fall, no matter how painful and embarrassing, let's stand up where we have fallen, and never mind the pain, it will heal in due time along with embarrassment..pero when we fall, we should have epiphany para we'll make this experience all worth it...dapat naa jud tay natun an...just like,

unsa kaha tua ila floorwax no? mangutana ra ko...LOL!

incongruent

Amidst the tranquil emotions
Came an unexpected deep sensation
for something inconceivable, unreachable
Why is it so impossible?

Letting go of it, the better had it grown
In wonderland it was ever known
surfaced again, this forsaken affection
was never ever put to oblivion

Untimely 'tis you have come to existence
invaded my solitude, conquered my essence
I was lost when i found you, ah, irony
how can we ever patch up incongruity?

Crazy

Patsy Cline

Crazy, I'm crazy for feelin' so lonely,
I'm crazy, crazy for feelin' so blue......
I knew, you'd love me as long as you wanted,
And then someday, you'd leave me for somebody new.
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wonderin', what in the world did I do?
Oh, crazy, for thinkin' that my love could hold you.....
I'm crazy for tryin' and crazy for cryin
And I'm crazy for lovin' you.
Crazy, for thinkin' that my love could hold you,
I'm crazy for tryin, and crazy for cryin
And I'm crazy for lovin' you.....

optimism in the midst of predicaments

When I woke up this morning, I felt light and bright…nothing compares to the beautiful feeling of being kissed by the sun when you go out. I am so enthralled to be under the spell of the sun. I felt so cold inside but the warmth that its brightness spills to my murky disposition gives me the energy to be productive, more than yesterday’s.

I have been waiting for so many things to come yesterday. A special person’s message, a call from a dear friend, a package I expected to arrive a month ago (LOL), an opportunity I hope I could not refuse, my sisters’ reply to my messages, result of our comprehensive exams, and etc but none of these did arrive. But I was still productive…I was able to feed all my students’ scores for midterm to my laptop so that after midterm exam I will be ready with their grades. I promised that this time, I will be totally different. On Prelim, I was being issued a memorandum for late submission. Well, that was because of my children’s health problems. Anyway, it pays to wait. I waited; have waited and will keep on waiting for things worth waiting for. Just like last night…

When you await the bliss of the moonlight spills on your head, you would fill the light sensation of the day no matter how dark it is outside; you would still see a glow of light somewhere.

With bated breath, i look forward for that light at the end of the tunnel as my best friend chaesa used to say..ah, uncertainties, indeed they are myriad and agonizing!

a dose of my own medicine

We are indeed wading through the murky global swamp better known to the cybernetics as computer age, cyber age, internet obsession, technological advancement. Whatever it is, none so far can change the humanness in us, that feeling of joy and sorrow; the wanting for carefree and the misconception of life. Try this blogging thing instead; we might learn something about what life is and what it is not.
For those who are sick like me of the mundane and boring and maybe…depressing life, watch out…for those who try to overcome the downside of life, and make everything bright and promising again. Here, take a dose of my own life and try the pill of advice I devised for myself.

My posts may sound too mundane and that nothing seems new. What are we here for anyway but for something ordinary right? We don’t want the strange feelings, we hate the uniqueness of things, we don’t want change, we dislike transformation…we refuse shift and transitions. We want the old us, we want the real us...

This sounds so depressing and yes, I am! But somehow, with the best of my ability, I would like to try to put in something helpful for you in as much as it is helpful for me too. I am not happy with my life but obviously I am not sad either. Others may find my life enlightening or motivating and my optimism may lure you to take the challenge of moving on and so hope do I… I really hope it turns to the better, and might give you some real initiative in your own too to make yours a better one!

So, needing some therapeutic mind? I do, so I strive to sketch and paint my life with colors. I write to make me feel better. I fortify myself with the language only those who share with my thoughts and emotions understand. Others may not empathize but I couldn’t blame their being pathetic after all this is what life is being made of…made of the sympathetic and the pathetic. I don’t know where I exactly belong, neither perhaps but I know for sure I am genuine and straightforward by all means to what I feel, say and do.

I love writing and ever since, this had become my motivation material to keep me going although at times I am tempted to be sluggish…I turn to be so slack especially when my eyes are blinded with lies…my mind tells my hands to stop pressing keys for expression…my mind becomes nailed to only a specific event and declines to reminisce the unpleasant events. This I call selective “amnesia”. I surely needs electrifying.

Now, why are you reading my post? You know that I am sick. Sick with life, for so many reasons and I don’t want to count them one by one. But honestly I want you to consider this. How would you like to stay in one roof with someone you resent so much, soneoine you have so much remorse with?

Alright, alright, I admit. I’m a recluse, and…selfish, totally unorganized in my life, and slowly losing interest in life itself.

I’ve often wanted to end my life. I mean for honesty’s sake, I am not happy anymore. But saying I am not happy accordingly means I am such a selfish person who seeks only for what satisfies myself and whose life is geared towards selfish motives. I am not sure if that’s right but actually that’s not what I have in mind. I am simply not happy with things that are happening in my life right now. Forget it. I am sounding so totally paranoid.

What made me like this? I wasn’t a negative person before. I used to be so optimistic; always thinking of myself and aspiring to be always on the top of everything, even to my own emotions. I simply wanted freedom. That’s it. I wanted myself back. I don’t wanna live in this invisible cage. I am seeing the world and yet I don’t. I just simply wanted the simple life I had before and bring back my loved ones whom I have lost already. That is what I call life.

With the past glitz of myself and the present dark side of reality now, I opt to shut my eyes, close my mind and refuse to think…no, I don’t wanna think anymore…

But enough about the past, here I am now, and perhaps I'd much rather like to look forward in life, rather than look backwards because for one good reason might be that looking backwards might suck me back into that old life again and make me commit the same mistakes, arghhhhhhhhhh…enough with my hastiness…my decisiveness, my stubbornness…my paranoia…my old self…

Think. Look forward. Move on. Device a plan. Scheme out. Fight yourself.

First up, I need to get healthy again, so I need to get fit.
Next I need to stop procrastinating, and start on everything as they come.
Step off from complacency and be optimistic that I’ll finish everything I have started.
Disregard the uninterested and disinterested people and focus to those who wanted to become part of my life otherwise I might regret losing them.
Of course, courage is another thing. I need to pick up the one I have lost over a mistake. Falling doesn't mean dying. I may have been hurt but I still have chance to straighten up and start brand new. Yes, I need courage in everything I do, courage that will soon build up confidence so that my life will look brighter and colorful, no more grayness…
A directed and organized life with principles, governed with practical rules and routines Open minded. Accept the things that couldn’t be and forget about the could-have-been’s and the what if’s…
Most importantly, let God be the center of your life. You might think HE is there but you actually haven’t noticed how you have set HIM aside and swept HIM off your heart.

Sneak out and see for yourself what will happen after this…out of my sheathe, will emerge A NEW ME…

Mystified By you

Regal. Splendid.
There’s something about your shadow
An enigma one couldn’t explain
This isn’t just I s’ pose a phenomenon
A fashion a trend or an obsession
Every tinge of it brings about a fulfilling sensation
So deep. So alluring. So mystic.
Always been blue yet cherished the passion
Hailed it on a plinth as if the ultimate
source of being and bliss but
I have been wrong. I woke up
One day feeling so different I started
To have a diverse perception of what
Was then, what is now and what
Is to come I reflect I concluded
That beauty indeed is in the eye of the beholder
And that he who holds that beauty
Is dearly loved.
With a passionate awe for reverence
And extra estimation of loveliness
Beyond the real tangible hues
Comes the magic of the unfathomable
Mirth that mesmerizes my heart. My soul’s
Entangled deeply into its mystery but
The magical spell that enchanted
these sight seems to shroud my whole
Being. I looked for you everywhere.
You are you.
Unique in every way but you are there for me.
Ever enticing.
Above and beyond the horizon I see you
No more but in my dream you stay
And will forever hold that special
fondness of you.
Yes, it’s you and only you.
My much loved hue. You.
Purple.