a prayer

like a fully inflated balloon
i let go of what had been blowing up inside
set it free until i see it no more
it flies high to the skies
until the clouds kiss it
and the sun embraces it
the wide horizon welcomes it warmly
the space cherish its presence
it is where it is supposed to stay
but it won't stay there forever
for it too will burst and shatter into pieces
like this this poor weary heart
ready to rupture and split open like fresh wound
my spirit so barren,my soul so lost
my heart so void..
but the chasm within is unbearable
can no longer bear the weight of loads
nor contain the rancour it gives me
it devoured my whole being
consumed the persona in me
if i am emptied, i can have another fill
when everything is poured out
let the putrid stench revelation
be replaced with a potpourri of heavenly whiff
and fragrance of peace and love
you've got to spill the surety
of your affection, that i too need
i can have another try
i can be broken again and again
and gathering the pieces won't be hard anymore
but i can never hold each debris
that falls out of place
cleanse me from all impurities
that tarnished my being
make me, mold me again like a beautiful vessel;
a perfect masterpiece
seethed with love and compassion
bathed with the sunshine of hope
unbustled, chaste and unblemished
consecrate me with serenity and fortitude
mend me and make me whole again...
let me fly not like a balloon which
will soon split open
but like an eagle that soars high
and never gets weary...

unforgettable

there are words
that the mouth cannot speak
feelings that pen
cannot put into writing
nor the eyes can reveal

there are sorrows
that smiles try to conceal
emotions tied for expression
pain that throbs like eternity
and scars that never heal

there are memories that outgrow time
and can never be put to oblivion
people who have touched our lives
who made a difference in us
and are simply unforgettable...

relieved

feeling so relieved and ecstatic today after having received the comprehensive exam results for MAELS. it was such a long wait...a long wait and such prolonged agony...the waiting and praying paid off though...i passed in all exams although we are sad that there are 5 of my classmates who did not make it. however, we are praying and keeping our fingers crossed that they will really make it on the retake...

now, i am facing a new phase in my maels life...concentrate on thesis writing ang hopefully graduate this march...hopefully lang ha but not so sure...at least i still have summer to finish everything...come june,i will have another life to face...thanks GOD...

celebrating life

today is a very special day for menoc siblings because this is papa's 71st birthday. we may not be celebrating his birthday grandiosely but inside our hearts we rejoice more than ever. we could not stop thanking God for Papa's life because if it hadn't been for him, we will never experience God's miraculous deeds in our lives. God showed His power and miracle when papa got sick 33 years ago...

yes,he was 38 years old when he was paralyzed. we lived in malinao, kalilangan bukidnon when papa got sick. we were all very young and little kids then. manoy was turning 16, ate loida was barely 14, ate leah 12, ate bembem 9, ate ningning 8, me 4, and joan, our youngest sister was 1 year and 8 months old. mama was just about my age now when papa got sick...how did she manage to raise us all 7 children and a bedridden father? God indeed was faithful enough to give mama the strength she needed and the courage to move on with life. if i were in her shoes, i don't know i would ever handle that situation she was in during that time. it was indeed God's moment to show His power and perform His miracle.

while the physician gave up on papa's case, as accordingly it was a hopeless case, mama along with my older siblings did not lose hope. they clung on to God and kept on claiming HIS promises. His promise of healing and promise of provision. i may not be able to explain in detail the pain and sufferings they have gone through but this is what it is, GOD IS REAL and HE never gives up on us even how much little faith left in us...HE remains faithful. That's what our family has experienced.

papa was brought out of the hospital after weeks or months perhaps of confinement, after all our resources were used up...the whole family then moved to Cagayan de oro city to start a new life. Mama bore all the sacrifices. she took all the burden of feeding us and taking care of papa. she showered us with love, compassion, and understanding. above all, she taught us dependence upon God. By mama's exemplary faith in God, we have learned to rely everything to HIM too. in all her activities and efforts, she made God as the center of it and never faltered to return all the favor and glory to God. mama never had a family of her own here in cagayan de oro. her own siblings were also far from her at that time. nobody was there to aid her but God alone. her constant company, friend and confidante was God. she poured herself out to Goid in prayer. one thing i admired about her, she was never sorry for her situation, instead she was very optrimistic about life. you would always see glow in her eyes, the hopefulness and assurance that everything is taken care of by God. that was really unbelievable. that was mama. she was a strong woman, someone whose life was filled with compassion and love especially for us and PAPA.

going back to papa,slowly he recovered from being stucked to bed. he started to smile, react to noise and people, he started to roll his eyes, move his fingers then started to ask for food and started to talk. it was indeed a miracle for us because while the doctor said he was a hopeless case, back to where we stayed in cdo, papa had recovered even without medications! mama would just massage him everyday with "banios", (ginger with oil), a natural liniment...when papa woke up from his illness, he could not remember what happened to him except for some events or people that have impact in his life. he forgot everything! except mama...he knows that mama was his wife but he could not recognize any of his children...my older sisters kept talking to him and made him recall his past. he would laugh and sometimes talk about it too until he would recall names, sing old songs, dance old steps...we were a happy family! complete, closely knitted together, open, loving, understanding, God-fearing..it was not a perfect family but for me, my ideal family.

joan and i grew up seeing papa behaved like a child. we played with him and sometimes even fought with him. but mama made us understand that papa didn't mean to hurt us or hit us. he was just playing with us. so we got used to his punches...LOL..it was his way of showing his "lambing".

when mama left us almost 9 years ago, everything has changed. blessings flowed more abundantly and most remarkably, papa behaved differently. there was so much improvement in him. he stsrts to go to batchroom without fighting. he takes a bath without getting angry at us or throwing water at us, does not hit us anymore, does not hit the walls, he goes to cr when he wants to pee, (but sometimes he still forgets or perhaps he's just lazy to get up so he needs more training) but really, he's changed a lot. i guess he understood the feeling that mama is gone. i think he felt it inside that he has to take care of himself too because his partner is not here anymore.

everyday, papa's presence is an inspiration. he gives us joy. now i am old and so is papa. he's 33 years older from the time he got sick but also 33 years also of being blessed by God. God is really awesome. His faithfulness never waivers. i know God has a message for us siblings and those who have seen God's miraculous works in our lives that indeed, God can do wondrous deeds in us. He can make a way when there seems to be no way. For me, i know i have been faithless in HIM and unfaithful to HIM but regardless of all my shortcomings, my HEAVENLY Father is more than loving, understanding and forgiving enough.

i am not only blessed of a "papa Preding", my earthly father, i am more blessed to have a HEAVENLY FATHER who sustains me all the time, in my ups and downs, HE IS ALWAYS there.

today, as i celebrate papa's birthday, i could not help but also celebrate the LORD"S goodness in our lives..so i give HIM back all glory and honor for the gift of life and the love HE BESTOWED on us.

a whole new me

good morning sunshine, good day world!
i am facing a whole new me now and
looking forward for great things to happen
ahead...

sometimes, we need to be broken
to become whole again...
we need to experience pain
to appreciate life's sweetness..
we need to experience failure
to see the value of success...
we need to experience frustration
to understand the meaning of satisfaction...
we need to lose something
to be able to see that we have
so much to be thankful for in life!