let me tell you that what i am going through right now with my masteral studies is not easy. probably, if this opportunity happened 10 years ago, i would have probably been more productive. today, i see it nothing more but just a compliance to the school's requirement for vertical alignment.
it took me three years to finish my first masteral degree. it was also like beating myself hard and cracking my nutshell just to be able to make it. with 2 kids to attend to, a "special" father to take care of, a husband to think of who seemed not to understand my plight, a very demanding job (lots of IG's to make or revise), and all other little concerns but no matter how little they were have in a way effect to my studies.
it was like passing through a needle's eye when i graduated from my Master of Arts in Education, major in English. it was no wonder that in between thesis writing and proposal defense i had so many hyperventilation attacks, suffered vertigo, i tuned insomniac, and worst migraine became a constant company and some stress-related symptoms surfaced in my feet. it was embarrassing that i had to go to my doctor for over-breathing only to be asked to breathe in using a paper bag. it was kindda funny but cute and i learned from it. the next time my hv attacked, i did the therapy by myself. i suppose it went that way for almost the entire school year. most unforgettable of all, was spending new year's eve at Capitol University Medical Center. I was confined after christmas due to extreme stress caused by following hectic class skeds, involving in school christmas activities and beating my proposal defense. every single activity was successfully attained but my health gave in. i was admitted in a suite room, with extra superb privacy (i have always dreamed and wanted , the hot and cold shower, multi-channeled tv, refrigerator, a space for the kids to loiter around...perfect amenities for a hotel room but definitely for a woman who thought was dying at that time, these could never be enjoyed as much as appreciated.
now, i am seeing this again as another experience i think i have already gone through. however, this is tougher and more pressured than ever. the exams are strenuous, requirements are heavy and time-consuming, professors are really up on their standards and we keep our toes on tiptoe to catch up with them. we have to finish though by hook or by crook. we still have along way to go. i guess, the idea about not marching on graduation this march has already sunk in to our system that we never thought about it anymore. what we are up to now is to pass the comprehensive exams, proceed with the thesis writing which most of us are now into data gathering. hopefully by first week of march 2010, we should be ready for the final defense then. then off to final revision and book binding.
So, with or without graduation, even if we will not be marching down the graduation aisle, even if we will not be wearing our academic gowns, we are still optimistic that we will really finish our thesis and submit it before summer.
we are looking forward to be free from all these hassles by summer so that at least we can concentrate with our work at the same time enjoy the luxury that summer time offers. hoping to go somewhere else (that somewhere still i don't know where, LOL) where i can be alone and gather myself back (as if i am really shattered)...honestly, i am too tired and burn-out that i wanted to let go of this surmounting agony i am feeling inside. just don't know how. God knows i am too weak emotionally and physically right now.
and maybe, part of the long-range plan is to enroll (again, LOL) in our doctoral program, if not at MSU-IIT, the rest of the guys are considering Cebu Normal University (CNU)...let's just see what will happen then. well, my concerns for now aside from maels, are my kids. whew!
i had a bad start of the year. my kids got sick. apple went through neurological check and medication for polyposis and thanks God she is now recovering especially from migraine. we went to an ophthalmologist, she was advised for a new eyeglasses due to astigmatism. her vision is still fair with 20/25 but she still needs to wear her glasses for protection and prevention. few days later, while apple was still on medication, red had fever and later was found out to have german measles. i brought him to his pedia for proper medication. since gm is a viral illness, the doctor advised him to be confined for isolation to avoid contamination. however, due to financial constraints and considering i have my classes i could not set aside, i opted not to admit him to the hospital which the doctor approved with the following condition that red had to be taken to the hospital on the following dates given for check up.this was also for the purpose of preventing possible complications. it was really tough spending few hours sleep just to attend to the little boy's qualms. again God, our Jehovah Rapha and Jehovah Jireh provided healing and provided our needs for the kids.
never ending suffering. never - ending sacrifices...never ending trials and challenges...but all of these are nothing because i serve an INFINITE GOD who sees and understands, who supplies and makes everything under control.
one day to go and i will have my last exam for maels, then the rest will be agony in waiting for the result. What will I do without YOU Lord.
i live in YOUR sustaining grace and mercy.
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