Life is precarious

Life is precarious. It is indeed changing. Well, an old adage says, “change is the only constant thing in this world”, everything else is changing. From his perception down to his beliefs, outlooks and emotions, man is changing. Well they say that there is no other way but up and once you are up there, you go can’t go higher than up because it’s the ultimate destination. And while we are still battling with .life, with everyday challenges, and circumstances, we can’t do away with the fickleness of our hearts and mind. We can’t deny the issue on decision making, on weighing things out, on picking the right choices. Whatever. We tend to sway, and drift away from our stand because foremost the human heart is above all deceitful. We are supposed to guard our hearts in everything that we do.

I have a very relevant experience to life’s precariousness. I know there have been choices and decisions in my life which have total effects to the person that I am now today. And I am aware that there is SOMEONE greater than I am who is in control of all these happenings. But I wonder why, despite HIS being there with us all the time, man fails? Human err? People commit mistakes? Why can’t we just be perfect? No matter how hard we try, we can’t just be perfect!

I figure out there can be no other way to make things perfect for us but to LET GO and LET GOD. I could never forget how my life used to be. I was such a happy, carefree, laughing girl but inside I was grieving, searching and empty. When I started going with friends, I saw the difference in life. I saw how people should be treated. Fair enough if you got the money and the looks but sorry if you have nothing to show off for rejection would be your best friend. I felt that. I grew up trying to make myself loved and accepted but I always found myself sulking in my pillow, soaking it with tears, demanding for an answer to every question. Until I fell in love, got hurt and fell out of love. I trusted no one and not even myself. Then I got myself hooked into believing that there is really no hope for me. One day, I chose the road less travelled. I went to a Christian seminary, where I found myself. The many questions were answered and wrong beliefs were corrected. Yet somehow, I was still seeing some loopholes and I couldn’t seem to understand the purpose of my being. Life was so perfectly imperfect.

However, it was in that imperfection that I have learned to come and understand that God allowed these imperfections for me to need Him. He wanted to make me feel the emptiness so I would let HIM fill in the void inside; he let me see my weaknesses for me to need His strength.

I was lost. And He found me. I drifted but he kept holding me. I ran away like a prodigal daughter but he brought me home again. Again and again, I stumble and fall but he is always my Savior. So, no matter how precarious life could get with me, I know that God’s steadfast love is more than able to keep me holding still to His saving grace and love.