8 years ago, honestly, i shed ocean when mama finally left us. the pain was unbearable..but something we managed so hard. it was our downiest moments. most vulnerable moments that even in a minute detail we would burst into tears.
2 days ago, the feeling of loss resurrected inside and saline from the eyes just trickled uncontrollably..it was during the almost - 9 - hour burial march and rites of the late President Aquino was covered on tv the whole day.. the very pampered daughter's tears, ms. Krissy, came flowing like the unstoppable flow of maria Cristina falls.
how can one deny the pain? the deep twinge inside? we may lie to other people but not to ourselves. we can never ignore every bit of pain there is inside our hearts. Kris was true when she apologized to her mother when she admitted that she couldn't not help but cry. President Aquino asked her children not to feel bad and sad but to triumph even when she dies. well, it is quite easy to say but definitely very hard to do...
when mama left, my emotions were really blank. I didn't feel anything. I just felt so empty...i couldn't even remember if i ever cried during her wake. yes, we all cried while she was still in the hospitable. we all cried for healing, for recovery, for miracle but when she was declared departed, i felt the numbness that i have never felt before and the rest that happened was history.
after the burial, i was still silent and i never knew how is started to cope without her. that was the time when i felt her loss; her absence; and it was surely unimaginable. the pain was so deep that i had to lock myself up in my room and scream out loud with the radio on at its loudest.
now, what the Aquino is feeling and what the country mourns for is really very painful and it is always especially true when we know that the one whom we have lost is someone we love so much.
But the great news is that, God is greatest comfort and the source of joy in the midst of all that we are feeling and the loss that we are suffering from. God knows best for us and He has something very special stored for us.
what could possibly be there for the Philippines, our beloved country?
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