don't forget!!!

Never force yourself on someone who don’t deserve your love
No matter how much you love that person if you’re not compensated with the same kind of love, you will end up regretful
Never push yourself on somebody who pulls out from your grip because if you do you will end up blaming yourself for the remorse that person will have for you
Never allow the other person to mar your reputation because you will not have him / her forever and what you will have in the end is bad name
Never lose your self-respect for after all that’s the only thing you have that others can’t take away from you unless you give it away!

my 2010 birthday celebration

i had a very wonderful birthday celebration again with rethse.it was celebrated in my newly constructed "ha payag" last May 8th, saturday.. which i will feature here soon.LOL...more upates about my birthday later...

xenji's diary

this is an experience of a traveller and adventurer named xenji, a fine and rich young man who happened to land on what-seemed-like an unknown paradise. There, he met a naive native girl whom he fell in love with. His experience is told from his diary which xenji wrote while he was on his adventure. this is a love story which will indeed touch your heart and make you fall in love like xenji and hurt you the same. Read and fall in love with your mind and reason with heart!

Day 1
May 5th

I am considered to be one of the greatest men in our land, respected and looked upon by my people. I have lived in grandeur. I have been to many beautiful places in this world. Lately, I received an invitation from the King of a neighbouring country to go on a voyage towards Asia and it was an honor to accept the invitation.

We just arrived from that long voyage this morning and we landed upon a beautiful island surrounded by waters. Here, we were welcomed warmly by browned skinned people of the land. They offered us gifts brought to us by beautiful women in their finest oriental ornaments. One woman caught my attention. She was among those women who welcomed us at the shore with graceful dances. She was modest in her actions, refined, and naive. Her eyes were sparkling like the purest water. Her smile was so innocent pulling the chords of my heart, creating beautiful melodies. Her skin looks so soft and fair like ivory. Her long hair , black and shiny gave a glowing effect under the rays of the sun.Her sultry lips are red like cherries pouting in an angelic way and her teeth set perfectly by nature gave me the feeling of seeing an angel in disguise.

We were ushered into the house of their leader. Here, I have seen their affection for gold because everything in this house was covered with gold. We were treated with beautiful dances and wonderful songs with the accompaniment of their native musical instruments made from bamboo and wood.

We were served with sumptuous foods. The table was laden with the best fruits and the glasses were always filled with wine.Everybody was in the state of euphoria while my gaze was searching for that beauty I saw earlier. She was in merriment with our hosts. The hosts are very hospitable people who love to laugh and be merry. It is in this house that we were told to spend our night.

Exhausted from our travels, my weary body is telling me to take a rest. While lying, the woman who impressed me earlier kept on haunting me. As much as I would like to close my eyes and sleep, I cannot do so because the image of the woman kept flashing on my mind. Her beauty overtook my senses as it lingered in my mind. I could not wait for the sun to come and bathe us in its glory. I would love to see the woman again and know her name. For now, I would close my eyes with thoughts of her, wishing to see her in my dreams tonight.

xenji


cont...

Day 2
May 6th

in a paradise–like island

I was awakened by the chirping of the birds weaving beautiful music in my still sleepy consciousness. The sun was up when I heard the bustle of activities outside my door. Just when I was about to change into my morning clothes, I heard a knock on my door and a manservant came in with a new set of clothes. He was followed by men carrying tubs of hot water for my bath. I refreshed myself with the bath and scented soap they offered me. Feeling so clean and fresh, I went out of my room and there I saw how beautiful the interior of the house is with fresh flowers emitting scents that would tick your senses. The wooden sculptures depict the typical life in this paradise. The rugs that obviously came from the east just like the one I have in the room back in my home are of superior quality, an evidence of how wealthy this family is. I was ushered to the dining room and I saw the different food on the table. Fruits of different colors and shapes that are new to me are within reach. The aroma of the native coffee made me crave for the food served on the dining table.

When i sat on the chair I felt a presence that gave me a pleasant sensation. Then the lady of whom I was thinking the whole night appeared beside me carrying a plateful of what they called "sinangag", it's a fried rice with various toppings. the aroma of the food set before me made me hungry but her scent made me hungrier. However, at the sight of the lady, I lost my appetite even before I have tasted a morsel. My craving for food was satisfied and I felt a different hunger.

I spent the day with the host and his family. They toured me around the scenic spots of their land. We came upon the falls, so majestic in their splendor.The water was cold but surrounding it are beautiful flowers of different colors which I have never seen before. There, I had a chance to talk with the lady whom I admire. The leader of the land, Datu Sirad introduced me to her. She gave me a tamed smile and looked at me as she offered her hand for a handshake. I kissed the back of her hand and indeed it feels like silk. There, she told me her name. chaesa, what a lovely name.

Now I am inside my room, taking a rest after a day full of fun and excitement. I can't wait for tomorrow to come and see her beauty again,... Shhhhh... chaesa...chaesa...chaesa... you enchanted me my lovely fairy.

xenji

cont...


May 7
3rd Day in Paradise

I woke up with uncertainties. What was beautiful last night become a nighmare today. A realization that what I am feeling for this beautiful lady is a mistake considering that I have mymy fiancee to think of when I return. How can I feel this way towards Chaesa whom i have known barely two days? A young and simple lady who is a stranger to our land and culture. What am I thinking? We haven't even talked about us. And here I am trying to exaggerate things. If other people would know about this, they would surely laugh at me. This is a dillema that is inevitable knowing that I have my fiancee to think about whom my parents have chosen for me for the prupose of expanding our kingdom and retain the glory, and retain our fame and our name.

What am I thinking? I am spending my time thinking about this woman and how i feel for her when in fact I dont even know if the lady feels the same way. I should focus my attention more on my family back home. But why do I feel such? I haven't felt this way before with Shalani even I know that she's more special than any of the other women I had in my life. Thinking and feeling this way makes me feel an infidel.I am not being fair to her! She has been loyal to me and has been loving me for a long time. And the realization of what I am thinking is far too impossible taking into consideration that we belong to two different cultures. We grew up in two different lands with different set of rules and customs.. Our outlooks in life may vary and may even lead us to clashes of personalities and principles.

And am I to be blamed if we are taught to retain our imperial characterestics? That is so preserve and maintain within the clan and wealth, power and fame of all cost. Am I also to be blamed if I fail to meet the expectation of my family? Is it fair that I have to sacrifice my feelings for this native girl who touched my heart more than anybody else just because I have to uphold our credibility and maintain our position in the society? What I felt for Chaesa is far more intense that what I felt for Shalani..Ahhh. Complexities!!

I spoiled my time with Chaesa thinking about this... I am sure Norjani will understand what I feel towards Shalani because it is accepted in our culture.... but I dont think so if they will understand my feelings with Chaesa who is from a different culture. Much more I do not know if Chaesa will understand our culture which is entirely different from hers.

Ahh... confusions....

xenji

cont...

May 8
4th day in Paradise

I just learned that this paradisiacal place is called KAGAYHA-AN. The guesthouse where we are housed is so grand. Accordingly this is purposely built to house visitors and royalties like my friend and me. The place is sorrounded with fruit bearing trees that give shades and cools the wind of the otherwise humid day.

I felt so glad to know that we were given the chance to be alone with only her personal chap as a companion. Early today, i enjoyed her company without the meaningful glances of other people around us. We explored the sorroundings and came upon a garden of exceptional beauty with the flowers in bloom, blending in different colors and shapes. The garden was enhanced by the low flying butterflies of different size and colors.one flower from another drinking the fragrance of each flower. As we were in this garden, I can smell the scent of chaesa.... sweet and dainty.... A scent of the lady in bloom...

I did not expect her to be learned in the affairs of the world but to my surprise she can tackle any subject I threw her. I was surprised to know that she is knowlegeable in other subjects such as philosophy, arts and trade and even as mundane as agriculture. We had a great time.. We just talked about anything under the sun and I was amazed on how much compatible we were with our ideas and opinions although I realized that there are basic differences brought about by our cultures but just the same we had a great time together. We can laugh at any slight provocation from each other. I felt that I have known her for so long. I felt so comfortable being with her. I have also sensed that she is at ease with me. I have told her things that I never knew I have concerns for. She continually surprised me with her intelligence and wit. She is like an onion to me.. Since I knew her, it is like peeling an onion. She reveals a different side of her everytime I thought I have figured her out. She delights me incessantly. I have never met anyone so atuned to my ideas and opinions. I have never met anyone whom I am so comfortable with. Chaesa is not exceptional lady. I can feel that my feelings for her is growing stronger each minute I am with her. And, I guess no man in his right mind would not fall for her, for she is a sight to behold. She can compete in beauty with any woman from my city. My feelings for chaesa is not comparable to Shalani and, Norjani, not even to any lady that I have known before in my country, because, she understood my desires, my hopes and wishes as if she has known me for more than three years. With an inherent beauty and a brain capable of assimilating the various topics we had for discussion she can hold her ground in front of any scholars in our country.

As I am reliving all the things that have happened today, I realized that chaesa may be having the same feelings for me. I can see that what I feel for her is mutually felt by her too. I can visualize the two of us together in the future. I think if given the chance, I would live today again and again just to be with her. Hmmmm......a sweet memory.....and i have to sleep tonight bringing with me in my dreams that sweet memory of her back in the garden...

xenji

9th of May
day 5 in paradise

i don't know how i should feel when i received chaesa's letter. i felt a deep twinge of pain and at the same time a pang of guilt for telling her my feelings towards her. am i too fast and so insensitive that all i care about was how i felt for her? here's her letter.

My Everdearest Xenji,

I couldn’t find any word to express what my heart wants to say. I don’t even know how I am going to face you after you told me about what you feel towards me. It doesn;t mean that I don’t believe you. It’s just that things did not work as what we thought should be. I believe you have a clean intention and how I wish we could make both our dreams come true. But my friend, I am saddened by the thought that we are not meant for each other. Even if I also feel the same way about you, We are still destined to follow our fate.

How am I going to tell you that I really love to be with you? I treasure every moment I spent with you and cherish the memories it left in my heart. Like you, I am also bound to marry someone else. I can’t deviate from our culture as well as from my parents’ expectations. He is also a handsome man like you, a warrior from other province. His name is Ececron. However, I could not tell if I love him as much as I love you but I don’t have a choice because reality is far more important to me than to live in fantasy., He loves me too. His father, the chieftain of their village has arranged our marriage with my father. It will be unfair to him if I say I don’t like him because he's also very lovable and could be any woman’s dream. But when I saw you, I felt a different feeling. Only, this couldn’t be realized. Yes, my dearest Xenji, no matter how I cherish your love, you are still a fantasy to me. A dream that I will never have. Just like a star, you can always gaze on its beauty and dream about and yet too impossible to reach.

Somehow, I began to despise our differences in culture and in everything for there is only one common about us and that is love. But you see, love is not the only thing that matters in this world. We have so many things to live up to. Indeed, our culture is the main hindrance to our feelings. You’re so near yet so far. I hope that our sons and daughters and the next generation to come will not suffer the same feelings that we have. May they have freedom to choose whom to be with forever. I hope that time will come that culture will no longer be a barrier between two lovers and that they will not be bound to follow their cultures but their hearts. I am not trying to be rebellious but I just feel this is not right but as what I have said, for the sake of my family and my culture, I am declining from your proposal to marry me. I am hurt by this truth but we really have to face it this way. I hope that our friendship remains so that if time permits and we meet again, we can just both laugh at this experience. I will share this to my fiancee for it is just the right thing to do. I will be proud to share this wonderful memory to my children and my children’s children. I am sure that they will love me for denying my feelings even if it pained me so much. xenji, let this letter be an eye-opener to both of us. We have the right love at the wrong time... so long my dearest friend... wish for your happiness.

“ We will only be a memory that never fades like my love that will last forever”

affably,
chaesa

having a good family relationship

It’s human nature to feel socially wanted. It is the nature of man to have the sense of belonging and the desire to love and to be loved. This need is part of the basic needs of man for survival. Accordingly, no man is an island. This saying suggests that man, by nature really needs someone to talk to, confide with, and share life with. Just like the other basic needs of man, social interaction which makes up the social life of man is an important tool to building good relationship.

When we talk about family relationship, we do not only refer to the parents and children relationship but it also comprises the connection it has to those around them. In other words, a family relationship is a springboard and a connection to any other relationships. It means that if one relationship is a failure, it follows that another relationship may not work out as well. And if family relationship is good, so is the relationship of these members to other people outside the family.

Accordingly, a family is the smallest unit in the society. Without a family, building a society would be impossible. Politicians and other government officials are nothing without the family that binds every single entity in the society. It is the family that interacts, builds, socializes, patronizes and makes the society a harmonious and a beautiful place to live on. That is why it is called a society because it refers to people and their role in it. Now, the family plays a very significant role in the society not only because it procreates, interacts and multiplies, but more so, the family is the important cast of characters in the drama of life. They make and unmake issues in the society.

Because family is important, it becomes the central point or the very focus of scrutiny. Too much is expected of a family and most importantly, the basic pattern of social interaction largely depends on family relationship and interaction. Most often than not, a child’s behaviour is always attributed to how he / she is being raised in a family. The behaviour of a child is most often a reflection of how he is being reared in his home. He is mainly influenced by his parents’ and siblings’ attitudes and behaviours. So, if something is wrong in the family, it will always show in a child’s performance and attitudes towards other people. The pattern of social interaction is seemingly distorted thus needing to be addressed. However, if a child is raised in a very loving and happy family, the child grows emotionally healthy and socially capable. He is very sociable and shares a peace-loving countenance thus creating harmonious relationships with other people around him may it be in school, workplace, or even with the neighbours. This is why the government is very keen to addressing family problems and making it as the focus of their programs so as to build a society that is united, peaceful, harmonious and loving.

The question now is how do we attain good family relationship? Communication is an important element that sometimes is overlooked in the family. Too much familiarity oftentimes causes communication gap and eventually leads to misunderstanding and broken homes. The principle is always and the same. We need to open up and share our thoughts and emotions with our loved ones, with our family, more specifically so as to attain understanding and harmonious relationships. According to Isagani Cruz; “we cannot give what we do not have”. This statement posits that if we don’t have a good relationship with our own family, how can we even better our relationships with other people? It certainly takes a lot of effort to be able to do so. If we do not possess love for our family, if we do not care for our very own wife, husband, siblings, brothers, sisters, how much harder would it be for us to love others? The saying “blood is thicker than water” is always true in this sense. No matter how irresponsible our husbands are, how ugly and unattractive our wives be, no matter how immature and bully our siblings are, we have to accept and love them because they are us and we are them. The principle goes this way, “I am a reflection of my family “in the same way that “my family is a reflection of me”.

Moreover, the Bible is very straightforward about giving instructions to husbands, wives and children. The Bible says, “husbands love your wives”, means husbands should not treat wives as helpers and simply as their better half but his “total person”. It means to say, husband cannot exist without the other and so it goes the same with the wife. The Bible also says, “wives submit to your husbands” do not mean you follow everything he says and tells you even if it means destroying your reputation and your family. Submission means giving in to his headship in the family, not overpowering but clinging on to his plans. But to the husbands, it does not mean, not listening to the wives’ voices and plans. It simply means give each other a chance to be heard. It’s tough, and it is indeed a taxing responsibility. But very fulfilling indeed. After all, it is what we have sought for in marriage, we want a harmonious and peaceful family, so there’s no other option but to follow what the Bible has to say. Further, the Bible also says, “children obey your parents…” and “honour your father and mother…” These are both found in the Holy Scriptures in the Apostle Paul’s letter as well as in the Ten Commandments. If we intend to have a longer and beautiful life, we ought to follow this rule. As to our siblings, didn’t God ask Cain where Abel was after he slew him? And Cain deliberately denied by asking “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Obviously, God made it clear that He wants us to care for our own brothers and sisters. And once we do that, we are guaranteed of a beautiful relationship with other people. Say, a perfect friendship like Jonathan and David; a beautiful in-laws relationship just like Naomi and Ruth as well as a beautiful husband-wife relationship just like Boaz and Ruth. More examples can be gleaned from the Bible that will tell us how important good family relationship is to God and of course to humanity.

The question is how? As a college teacher, I believe so much in the power of communication. I believe all we have to do is communicate effectively. Make sure understand and you are udnerstood. If there are problems and ways we don’t like from any of our family members, then speak up. We need to learn to share and open up. There’s no better solution than to tell the problem straight to the one concerned so that it can be properly addressed.

I have thought of some important ingredients to having a good family relationship and these are:
1. Values: respect and helpfulness, trust and honesty, obedience and acceptance, fidelity and faithfulness, forgiveness and generosity, understanding and love.
2. Learn to submit, learn to give way, and learn to listen. Know when to talk and when to keep quiet. Learn to be generous not only materially but also be generous with your time. Spend quality time with your family.
3. Share. Laugh and cry with them. Share your deepest concerns and secrets with them. Go out and have fun with them just like the old times when you were still boyfriends and girlfriends or when you were still kids.
4. Do activities together. Go to church together, pray together, go to the beach, watch movies together, share the old jokes, sing, dance or jog with them.
5. Make God as the center of your family.

Remember, even if you do all these, man in his limitations will be exhausted at the end of the day so that doing all these things or maintaining all these acts would be taxing. Sometimes, we tend to flare up, get angry and run short of patience and understanding. We have little energy left for our children to work with their projects and assignments or too occupied with our own problems that we tend to ignore our partner or sibling’s little qualms. This is human nature. But God’s nature is different. He never runs out of resources so that when we fall short in doing these for the family, we need God’s sustaining grace.

In short, the ultimate source of a harmonious family relationship is God. Once we allow Him to dwell in the midst of the family or allow Him to be the center in the family, all these other things will just flow and follow. Unless we have beautiful relationship with the author of marriage who is God, the best lover, our bestfriend, Heavenly Father, our faithful brother, only then can we attain the truest meaning of good family relationship.