having a good family relationship

It’s human nature to feel socially wanted. It is the nature of man to have the sense of belonging and the desire to love and to be loved. This need is part of the basic needs of man for survival. Accordingly, no man is an island. This saying suggests that man, by nature really needs someone to talk to, confide with, and share life with. Just like the other basic needs of man, social interaction which makes up the social life of man is an important tool to building good relationship.

When we talk about family relationship, we do not only refer to the parents and children relationship but it also comprises the connection it has to those around them. In other words, a family relationship is a springboard and a connection to any other relationships. It means that if one relationship is a failure, it follows that another relationship may not work out as well. And if family relationship is good, so is the relationship of these members to other people outside the family.

Accordingly, a family is the smallest unit in the society. Without a family, building a society would be impossible. Politicians and other government officials are nothing without the family that binds every single entity in the society. It is the family that interacts, builds, socializes, patronizes and makes the society a harmonious and a beautiful place to live on. That is why it is called a society because it refers to people and their role in it. Now, the family plays a very significant role in the society not only because it procreates, interacts and multiplies, but more so, the family is the important cast of characters in the drama of life. They make and unmake issues in the society.

Because family is important, it becomes the central point or the very focus of scrutiny. Too much is expected of a family and most importantly, the basic pattern of social interaction largely depends on family relationship and interaction. Most often than not, a child’s behaviour is always attributed to how he / she is being raised in a family. The behaviour of a child is most often a reflection of how he is being reared in his home. He is mainly influenced by his parents’ and siblings’ attitudes and behaviours. So, if something is wrong in the family, it will always show in a child’s performance and attitudes towards other people. The pattern of social interaction is seemingly distorted thus needing to be addressed. However, if a child is raised in a very loving and happy family, the child grows emotionally healthy and socially capable. He is very sociable and shares a peace-loving countenance thus creating harmonious relationships with other people around him may it be in school, workplace, or even with the neighbours. This is why the government is very keen to addressing family problems and making it as the focus of their programs so as to build a society that is united, peaceful, harmonious and loving.

The question now is how do we attain good family relationship? Communication is an important element that sometimes is overlooked in the family. Too much familiarity oftentimes causes communication gap and eventually leads to misunderstanding and broken homes. The principle is always and the same. We need to open up and share our thoughts and emotions with our loved ones, with our family, more specifically so as to attain understanding and harmonious relationships. According to Isagani Cruz; “we cannot give what we do not have”. This statement posits that if we don’t have a good relationship with our own family, how can we even better our relationships with other people? It certainly takes a lot of effort to be able to do so. If we do not possess love for our family, if we do not care for our very own wife, husband, siblings, brothers, sisters, how much harder would it be for us to love others? The saying “blood is thicker than water” is always true in this sense. No matter how irresponsible our husbands are, how ugly and unattractive our wives be, no matter how immature and bully our siblings are, we have to accept and love them because they are us and we are them. The principle goes this way, “I am a reflection of my family “in the same way that “my family is a reflection of me”.

Moreover, the Bible is very straightforward about giving instructions to husbands, wives and children. The Bible says, “husbands love your wives”, means husbands should not treat wives as helpers and simply as their better half but his “total person”. It means to say, husband cannot exist without the other and so it goes the same with the wife. The Bible also says, “wives submit to your husbands” do not mean you follow everything he says and tells you even if it means destroying your reputation and your family. Submission means giving in to his headship in the family, not overpowering but clinging on to his plans. But to the husbands, it does not mean, not listening to the wives’ voices and plans. It simply means give each other a chance to be heard. It’s tough, and it is indeed a taxing responsibility. But very fulfilling indeed. After all, it is what we have sought for in marriage, we want a harmonious and peaceful family, so there’s no other option but to follow what the Bible has to say. Further, the Bible also says, “children obey your parents…” and “honour your father and mother…” These are both found in the Holy Scriptures in the Apostle Paul’s letter as well as in the Ten Commandments. If we intend to have a longer and beautiful life, we ought to follow this rule. As to our siblings, didn’t God ask Cain where Abel was after he slew him? And Cain deliberately denied by asking “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Obviously, God made it clear that He wants us to care for our own brothers and sisters. And once we do that, we are guaranteed of a beautiful relationship with other people. Say, a perfect friendship like Jonathan and David; a beautiful in-laws relationship just like Naomi and Ruth as well as a beautiful husband-wife relationship just like Boaz and Ruth. More examples can be gleaned from the Bible that will tell us how important good family relationship is to God and of course to humanity.

The question is how? As a college teacher, I believe so much in the power of communication. I believe all we have to do is communicate effectively. Make sure understand and you are udnerstood. If there are problems and ways we don’t like from any of our family members, then speak up. We need to learn to share and open up. There’s no better solution than to tell the problem straight to the one concerned so that it can be properly addressed.

I have thought of some important ingredients to having a good family relationship and these are:
1. Values: respect and helpfulness, trust and honesty, obedience and acceptance, fidelity and faithfulness, forgiveness and generosity, understanding and love.
2. Learn to submit, learn to give way, and learn to listen. Know when to talk and when to keep quiet. Learn to be generous not only materially but also be generous with your time. Spend quality time with your family.
3. Share. Laugh and cry with them. Share your deepest concerns and secrets with them. Go out and have fun with them just like the old times when you were still boyfriends and girlfriends or when you were still kids.
4. Do activities together. Go to church together, pray together, go to the beach, watch movies together, share the old jokes, sing, dance or jog with them.
5. Make God as the center of your family.

Remember, even if you do all these, man in his limitations will be exhausted at the end of the day so that doing all these things or maintaining all these acts would be taxing. Sometimes, we tend to flare up, get angry and run short of patience and understanding. We have little energy left for our children to work with their projects and assignments or too occupied with our own problems that we tend to ignore our partner or sibling’s little qualms. This is human nature. But God’s nature is different. He never runs out of resources so that when we fall short in doing these for the family, we need God’s sustaining grace.

In short, the ultimate source of a harmonious family relationship is God. Once we allow Him to dwell in the midst of the family or allow Him to be the center in the family, all these other things will just flow and follow. Unless we have beautiful relationship with the author of marriage who is God, the best lover, our bestfriend, Heavenly Father, our faithful brother, only then can we attain the truest meaning of good family relationship.