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sleeplessness syndrome

For straight 8 hours, my brain has been idle. I did nothing but glance at the space, the wall, the ceiling. I arrived home earlier without even noticing i was already home. I ate a sumptuous dinner but i still feel an unexplainable hunger. I haven't changed clothes yet. Just don't wanna do anything now. I feel that something inside my chest is bloating and it's excruciating! I just wanna feel the numbness now. That feeling when you are frozen to zero degrees. Couldn't sleep.

 I wish it were daytime and i were at work. I wish i were facing my class not this wall; listening to my students boisterous laughter, not this midnight howling of neighbors' dogs; i wish i were arguing with somebody face to face, not with myself. I wish i were counting millions, not these scars in my heart. I wish i were a beautiful garden with fragrant growing flowers, not a dying tree. I wish i were a song with beautiful lyrics and melody, not a dull poetry with no meter and rhyme. I wish it were morning so i'd get busy preparing for the day, not staying idle like this!

on fads and fashion

it's a rainy sunday morning and it feels so cold outside! however, had to dress up and get ready for church!

oh, yeah! it's God's time so gotta go now!

ooops....i am excited...just been through browsing and enjoyed reading some fashion blogs and i can't wait to start my own! inspired! catch ya later!

glad to be back

life is beautiful. This may sound like a cliche to others but for me this rings really true. However, there are times that I feel the ugliness of life. In fact, I see its ugliness and I can't do anything about it but just to beautify things that seem to look unpleasant to my eyes.

i have missed writing my story for more than a year and this made my life more miserable because I know that writing does really make me feel better. You see, so many things have happened in my life, pleasant and unpleasant, beautiful and ugly, painful and fun, mundane and challenging but I failed to write them down here. for one good reason, something, someone kept me from doing so.

i have finally finished my Masters Degree at MSU-IIT last summer. I said finally" because I never thought I would still be able to finish it. I have gone through the needle's eye and it was really sweat and blood! a real "Whew!" in fact!

Thanks God for people. He sent people to help me out from this dungeon of financial helplessness and brought me out to the light. I was really filled with hopelessness. Got so stressed out and sickly during that time. Summer 2013 wasn't fun for me. It was like literally being seated on a hot seat.

the bottom line though is that I have finished my second masters degree and I am now waiting for my graduation come November 2013. Exciting! (But tiring too!)

now, I am enrolled in my PhD Program. So, this is serious. Yes, I am going to be a doctor of Philosophy in Educational Management in 3 years time that if I will be able to keep the fire burning in my heart. Honestly, this is very exciting and challenging because I enrolled without assurance. I just enrolled because I have a dream and I wanted to finish this doctorate degree. but God, even before we utter our heart's desires in prayers, He sees what we desire and when He thinks that it is good for us, He will always give it.

Yes, God used a friend, a very close friend way back 13 years ago, to sponsor my studies in this doctorate program. Her name is Fiona Daniel. She was a friend way back when I was still an ordinary employee at a Mall where we used to go together. I was handling a cosmetic product and she was handling a beverage product. We got along well and became close  friends even after we chose different paths.

i pursued my secular studies and eventually became a college instructor and she became a singer. a celebrity. We haven't communicated for years until the social network brought us back together and the story of our friendship began to flourish again.

so this is it, we different kinds of life, we have different nature of work but we share a very beautiful friendship and that's the most important thing between us...

i am happy for her and for the love that she has and hope that things with her and between her and her boyfriend will just grow stronger each day. I wish nothing more but happiness for her. Now that she is helping me with her studies, I couldn't help but appreciate how beautiful God is for sending someone to my life, and for using her when i least expected it.

God is so good.

I still have so many stories to tell like:
...how broke I am
...my broken heart
...life at work
...my kids
...my dream
...my studies
...my struggles
...and so much more!

just love being back here!

KUDOS!

welcome 2012

i admit there were really moments when i was so silent. there were times i opted not to write anything or shared whatever "bits and bobs" that were going on in my life. when those times come, it doesn't mean i am bidding goodbye to my passion to write. nope! it only means, i am only giving myself a chance to be quiet and lighten up. whether i am happy or otherwise, i just sometimes feel the need to give in to silence and solitude.

well, for those who know me well, i know this is not surprising to you. you know my mood swings. and you know exactly what propels me to write. when you don't see me posting anything on my blogs, it never does signify i have forgotten my inclination to writing. i still write though but in my journal, log or planner. So, for those who do not really know me, better be quiet if you have nothing good to say!

honestly, the year 2011 was really hard. it was in fact the hardest year i have ever experienced in my entire life. it seems that all things in life were mixed up together and have caused so much confusion in my head. i have reached the point of really wanting to say "ENOUGH!" and then lose my sanity. i know this is rude but you see, life was just so unfair. i may not be able to put everything here in detail but really i find my life so unfair. i hope one day, i have all the answers to these questions. i hope in due time, i will have the peace of mind that my heart so desires.

God, i don't ask for anything beyond what i need but even meeting my needs have strained my faith a lot. i have let go and i said i LET GOD but still i saw something was wrong which i just couldn't define. my kids are growing up. they are trying to understand what we are going through but for so many times, it was I, who mostly had a hard time understanding life.

i don't expect for anything. i just want peace and at least make my heart have its share of joy and peace. things had really been strenuous with me and i hope and pray that by 2012, life would be very different and a victorious one!

i choose to fight. i choose to survive. I choose to move on! This is my life and no matter how annoying some people are sometimes, i have no choice but to accept them as they are and choose to change myself for the better.

i am looking forward to a better year in 2012 - at work, family, friends, studies, other things and most especially in spiritual aspect.

I am giving God full control this year and ahead!

happy 2012!

YOU

You bring light to my darkened life
You bring joy to my scarred heart
You bring inspiration to my discouraged soul
You were there when i needed you most
Cheering me up, giving me the challenge i need
And loving me even when i am at my downiest moods
You understand my flaws
You listen to my never-ending qualms in life
You make me laugh when I need it the most
You comfort me when i felt like hope is gone
I never want to lose you
For it will only make my life
Not worth living
I want to spend the rest of my life with you
It means living with you
And dying with you.
I have found my truest happiness in you
Your love may not be perfect
But it is so perfect to complement with mine
You complete me
You took away the emptiness
You filled the vacuum within
You are the one I have been waiting for.

My Perfect YOU

My perfect YOU

In my pain, you are my reliever
In my sorrows, you are my great comfort
In my frustrations, you are my sun
In my heartaches, you are my medicine
Oh how can you be so perfect?
Perfect for my empty soul

In my defeat, you are my victory
(the champion of my life)
In my doubts, you are my assurance
In my sadness, you are my joy
In my loss, you are my gain
Oh how can you make me win the battle?
Turn my foes upside down, so here I stand

In the darkness, you are my light
(that keeps my path bright)
In my discouragements, you are my hope
In my weakest moments, you are my strength
At the downiest part of my life, you lifted me up
Oh how can you put up your love with me?
Love so great, a love so true?

In my failure you are my success
You set me free from bondage
(and broke my woes away)
You made me new
Gave me a brand new start
I am free, this is me
Thank you for your love

You said I’m your perfect masterpiece
You are my great artist
You etched every part of me
You carved me excellently
I am beautiful and my life is
because of you
With colors that brighten my life
How beautiful…
You are (you…You…you)